The Sailor Senshi and the Animated Men They Love
by Kihin Ranno
Summary: Minako occasionally injected a perfectly normal conversation with her random musings about love, dating, or sex. By and large, they did not end well. When her fascination for men in cartoons comes up, the other senshi suffer the consequences.


The Sailor Senshi and the Animated Men They Love  
Written for the Sailor Moon Monthly Fanfiction Challenge  
September 2008 - Images Only  
by Kihin Ranno

"If you could do any cartoon character, who would it be?" Minako asked, twirling her straw in her thick strawberry milkshake.

The other four girls stopped mid-chew or sip. Minako occasionally injected a perfectly normal conversation with her random musings about love, dating, or sex. By and large, they did not end well. If they were smart, they would just ignore her and hope that their private diagnosis of ADHD proved a reality.

"What?" Makoto asked, wincing as the pointed toe from Rei's shoe impacted her shin.

"I'd totally shag Dimitri from Anastasia," Minako informed them, oblivious to the various shades of pink Ami's ears turned. "Which is odd for me, cause I don't normally like brunettes." She paused. "Is it still brunette if it's a guy?"

"Do you really want us to answer that question?" Rei drawled.

Minako did do them the courtesy of considering it for a minute. "No."

This was a surprise to no one.

"But Minako-chan," Usagi piped up, plucking one of her many cherries from her sundae from their bed of whipped cream. "Didn't he lie to her? I mean, wasn't he a crook?"

Makoto reached over and patted Usagi on the head. "Silly, bunny. That's what makes him attractive to her in the first place."

"Why do you think she goes through men like tissues during cold season?" Rei muttered viciously, stabbing at her salad with extra force.

Minako responded to this by flicking her straw wrapper in the general direction of Rei's nose. "I just love that spin he does with her at the end." She sighed in a way that could only be termed 'obnoxiously dreamy."' "I love it when men spin me. This one time--"

"I'm a fan of the beast," Makoto piped up, interrupting for the sake of Rei's blood pressure and Ami's battered innocence. "You know, when he's not furry. When he's a person." She paused. "He has really interesting feet."

"Never pegged you for a foot fetish, Mako-chan," Minako commented over Ami's choking noises.

Makoto shrugged. "I am a woman of mystery."

"You do rather resemble Belle now that you mention it," Ami commented, briefly regarding her bran muffin and deciding against it for fear of choking on it.

Makoto had to sit on her hands to keep from preening. "Thank you! I do get that sometimes."

"What about you, Ami?" Minako queried, turning her sparkling blue eyes in the girl's direction. Ami now vaguely resembled a mouse cornered by a tiger. "Hot cartoon men. Go!"

Ami wrong her napkin in her hand. "Oh, I don't know..."

Makoto wagged her finger. "Now, now, no chickening out. You're among friends here."

"And if you say Merlin, I am totally disowning you," Minako added. "I mean, God, if you're going to screw an old guy, he needs to at least be rich. You have to get something out of the deal besides a shriveled--"

"For the love of everything sacred, Ami, just answer," Rei ground out.

Ami's ears and the rest of her face turned bright red as she sheepishly admitted her answer. "John Smith."

Rei nearly gagged on her spinach. Makoto thumped her on the back, impressed.

"Really, Ami-chan?" Usagi exclaimed. "I wouldn't think you were the type! He's so... Minako's type."

"Blonde, ridiculously handsome, cocky?" Minako mused. "Yup, that sounds like what I'd go for."

Ami somehow managed to turn a deeper shade of red. It was bordering on purple. "Well, you have to admire a man who thinks on his feet.... I'm not a fan of the violence of course, but he's really quite clever and resourceful and--"

"You just suck the sexuality right out of the room, don't you?" Minako teased, poking Ami in the arm. "Rei?"

Rei probably would have resisted the question, but given her near death experience - which naturally had gone ignored by nearly everyone - her defenses had been weakened. "Shang from Mulan."

"Aww, that's so cute," Minako proclaimed. "I can just imagine all the little warmongers you two would pump out."

"I hate you quite a lot," Rei snapped. "Just so you know."

"Sure you do, sweetie," Minako patronized. "Well, that leaves just one."

All eyes turned to Usagi.

"And you're not allowed to pick Tuxedo Kamen from the new Sailor Moon cartoon," Makoto instructed.

Rei snorted. "God, that thing is crap."

"Well, they try their best," Ami said, attempting to placate Rei's ill temper.

Usagi pouted for a moment as clearly that had been her plan. She tapped a finger on her chin, considering. Then she snapped her fingers and said, "Got it!"

"Who?" they all asked with varying degrees of interest.

"Jack Skellington."

They all stared, quite unsure how to respond to that. Not surprisingly, it was Minako who eventually broke the silence.

"Gives a whole new meaning to the word 'boner,' ne?"


End file.
